Negative Nelly

Poor Nelly that we always refer to negativity and her in one phrase.  I really need to look up the history on that.

I’ve been thinking about negativity a lot in the last few days because of a talk I went to that brought it up.  In the end, I thing that negativity in the human range of emotions is used to protect our emotional status from the heartbreak of failure. We tell ourselves we can’t do something or can’t be something because we are afraid of trying and failing.  Our own negativity may sometimes stop us from trying – but on the whole I think we use it to mainly protect ourselves in case we fail.

I think that use of negativity isn’t necessarily a bad thing – as long as we don’t let it stop us from trying.  Me personally?  I come from a family with a history of depression.  If I get my hopes up too much at anything – I fall VERY hard.  I sink into a deep depression that I can find it very difficult to get out of.  Most of my friends and family don’t like the fact that I can be so negative – but for me I do things with 100% of my heart and plan for completely failure so that if I do fail – I don’t get depressed.  It’s how I have to work myself in order to stay emotionally healthy.

How do you use negativity in your life?  Is it a bad thing, or do you think it can be a good thing?  If you have children in your life, how do you use negativity with them?   Is negativity always used to protect someone from something?

For what it really is

Lately I’ve been doing something that I think it took me 30 years to fully learn how to do.  Seeing things for what they really are.  I think we grow up comparing things so much, it’s the only way we really know everything.  We know cold is cold because it feels so different from hot.  We know more about what a cat is like because of how different from a dog it is.  I mean, these might be stretching it – but what about feeling tired?  We know how tired we feel only in comparison to how we normally feel.  I’m sure some new parents out there can talk about how when tired becomes the norm their version of “tired” changes.

The other day I was talking to my two best friends about the movie Twilight.  Now, I am a HUGE Stephanie Meyer fan.  I love the series.  I saw Twilight at the midnight showing AND had tickets to see it again the very next day.  I took a day off of work to see the movie.  The first time I saw it – I was horribly disappointed.  It felt like everyone except Charlie was either overacting or under acting.  The camera work made me dizzy and I hated how they changed the story.  Well, the second time I saw it – I knew what to expect.  Granted, the tween twittering in the theater distracted me from the movie, but since I knew what the cheesy parts where and the parts I liked more – I really appreciated the movie more.  When it came out on DVD I bought it and watched it almost 2 times in a row and I loved it.

I think sometimes it’s really hard for us to appreciate things for what they really are.

I had this job opportunity that looked AMAZING.  Really, truly amazing.  But I thought about it long and hard, making pros and cons and thinking about every aspect and in the end – it wasn’t all that amazing in comparison to what I want out of my life and career.  In fact, it would have been harmful to both.

How often do we REALLY see things for what they are?  What do you think gets in our way of doing that?

Finding yourself – it’s not a one man job

I’m getting married in about six months – I’m excited, even though I’ve done this before.  It’s mainly because the man I’m marrying is so wonderful to me that I cannot wait.  Anyway – i was shopping with two out of my 3 bridesmaids for my wedding dress.  Everything I tried on I didn’t like.  They had picked out this one dress that they coined “the hot one” that they couldn’t wait for me to try on.  I was so-so about it, but was willing tor try anything.  I put this dress on and it was completely awesome and amazing.  It was THE dress.  Would I have tried it on without my friends there to make me?  I’m not sure.

Another example, one of my best friends, Martha just recently switched from being a romance writer to writing young adult books – something she is GREAT at.  See her blog here – www.marthaflynn.com.  One day she asks me “Have you ever thought of writing Young Adult?”  I never had in my life considered it.  I was romance through and through.  Only her words were embedded in my mind and before I knew it I had an idea I couldn’t get out of my head.  And just like everything else in my life – when something is stuck in my brain I write to get it out.  Now every day I wake up and think of my story, plan it out and I can’t wait to write.  I LOVE to write – but I can’t remember a time when I felt such passion to do so.

My point with all this is – sometimes we don’t know ourselves very well.  I love the idea of “Finding yourself” but I think that it requires opening yourself up to new possibilities more than delving in.  I think our families, friends, coworkers – they all open us up to new things and sometimes it’s when you discover these new things that you really seem to be able to “find yourself”.

Out of all my friends I would say that my best friend Mel is my heart.  I think I have a lot of friends that open me up to new experiences, but Mel helps draw me center again – incorporating the new without straying from who I really am inside.   (check out her blog at http://onceuponamel.wordpress.com/).  Don’t get me wrong, though, with Mel I got my first raging drunk, first salsa danced and first went clubbing – it’s just that I don’t want to deny the fact that Mel also helps me remember who I am.

Without my friends acceptance of the clutzy, foot-n-mouth, strong willed but obsessivly romantic fool I am – I couldn’t be strong enough to figure out more and more every day who I really am, if that makes any sense.

So who in your life helps you find yourself?  Do you spend any time thinking on it?  Do you agree that we cannot “find” ourselves alone but that it requires a village?

What happen to kid geniuses?

The other day in the shower I was thinking of Harold and Kumar and how Neil Patrick Harris is one of the best parts of those movies – period.  Which brought my thoughts to Dougie Howser, M.D.  Then I thought of the movie I’d seen recently – Real Genius.  Then I started to think of all the extraordinary teens that I grew up watching.  I mean, there was Dougie, but there was also Evie with her supernatural powers, Sabrina the teenage witch, Westly the kid genius in Star Trek, Lucas the kid genius on Sequest DSV and so on and so forth.

It struck me that while I was going through my teenage years there was a plethora of role models my age to show me that being smart and unique was something to aspire to.  I wanted to be a kid genius.  I wanted to have super powers.  I wanted to finish school super fast and go on to do extraordinary things.

I was thinking about teen shows today and to be honest, I’m a bit saddened by it.  Most of them talk about drama, teen drinking and pregnancy.  Where are the role models?  What are we teaching our teens?  Supposedly there are geniuses on the Big Bang Theory, which I need to watch.  But I’m talking teen shows.  Kyle XY was the next closest thing I can think of, but it’s been canceled.

Am I missing something – or are we teaching teens today to be more interested in sex and booze than intellectual and physical pursuits?

How to escape…

Life is hard.  There’s no other way to say it.  Sometimes – life just sucks.  Then there are moments when life just completely ROCKS.  It’s awesome and you are thrilled to be where you are with who you are with.

But regardless of the up or the down, we all like to escape.  Which is weird because sometimes we’ll be in such a great place and we still want to escape into something.    I’ve noticed everyone escapes differently, but I have no idea why.

My escape involves books, movies and TV shows.  I get sucked into suspending my disbelief as amazing things happen in front of me.  For a period of time my conciousness shuts down and I’m in THAT world, not my own.  And in that world – there is no economic meltdown, there are no fights with friends, relatives, coworkers or significant others, there are no money issues, no judgements of how fat or skinny I am, how pretty or ugly.  Nothing exists to me but that world and I am 100% there – even if it’s just for 5 minutes at a time.  I need to escape because i think I’d be too exhausted if I lived in the real world all of the time.  I know a lot of people can say this, so I feel no self pity when I say it, but I had a hard childhood.  Harsh even.  Alcohol, drugs, burglaries and more was a reality I grew up dealing with.  So when I escape – I want no realism.  Nothing to remind me of my life past or present.  So I cannot escape into things with these themes.  Because instead of escape it’s a prison of reminders of how awful life has been and can be.

But enough about me.  How do YOU escape?  Why?  How often?  And do you think humans have always needed this escape, or is it something that came about when man went from survival of the fittest to civilized?

Wrapped up like an egg roll

I’ve been thinking a lot about my lazy, unemployed bum lifestyle of late.  Of course, I’m an unemployed lazy bum so I have a lot of time to sit around and contemplate such matters.  Keep in mind, however, that my fiancee says “Thank God you are the unemployed one because I’d do absolutely nothing all day” whereas I really bake, clean, write, look for work, run errands, take care of pets, reorganize, hang out with friends…etc.  I’m just “lazy” in my book because I have no income.  If I was getting paid for what I’m doing, I’d call it work.

ANYWAY, I was thinking about what I’ve been doing lately and how I’m living and I’ve realized that in some ways I’m finding out a LOT about myself.  I think on the day to day for the past 6-7 working years that I get wrapped up (like an egg roll) in my work and how that affects my life.  I spend all my days, nights and weekends in the same routine.  Work, home, clean, eat, sleep, work, home, clean, eat, sleep.  There is the occasional outing, dinner with friends and errands tossed in – but not a lot of thinking time or a lot of time for change.

Now that i’m unemployed all I have is time.  It’s interested what you find when you have the time to think.  When you get to unwrap and see what you are really made of.  I’ve been realizing that work or not, I’m not an idle person.  That I have interests outside of my job that I’ve let fall to the wayside the past few years because I’ve been too busy with work.  That I like contributing.  That I miss babysitting and being around children.  I’m cleaner than I thought.  I love my friends dearly and even unemployed don’t have enough time to spend with them.  That a “career” really does consume you and almost force you to live to work instead of work to live.

If you aren’t working right now – what do you think you’ve discovered about yourself?

If you are employed – what do you think you are missing because you are so wrapped up in work?

Stale? Downright Moldy.

I don’t know who’s reading this, but I know I’ve been completely negligent in my Blog writing.  What can I say?  I have no good excuses, having been laid off at the end of December.

Tough economies are tough for everyone in general.  Not only the laid off people, but I think the people who interact with laid off people as well.

First – the emotional status of a laid off person, brutally and honestly.  Not needed.  Possibly nothing to contribute to anyone, ever.  Useless.  Not wanted.  Lazy.

Now before you go thinking that I’ve fallen into the pit of despair with a bottle of Valium and a note in hand know that these are emotions that FLIT through me.  My brain knows better, I find things to do to keep me feeling useful and productive.  Not to mention I have an AMAZING support system between Alan, friends and family.  So no worries about me.  However, those are emotions I’ve had and I’ve noticed in other laid off people.

Now – the emotional impact of everyone from the economy.

This feeling of not being wanted or useful definitely brings down the spirits.  Thus resulting in bringing down the spirits of the people around you.  Man, if I could get as many people buying me drinks employed as buy me drinks unemployed I’d be stinking rich!  But, seriously, I love my friends for this.  Because they’d rather spend $5 and hang out with me than not – and they understand that I don’t have that $5 to spend.  Which is totally my support system.   Understanding, caring and this bottomless pot of optimism that people keep handing me – even the cranky people are handing me these pots and not WISHING me well – but TELLING me that everything will be ok.  And if I really wore my heart on my sleeve as Alan thinks I do, I’d be crying loving buckets of tears at everyone all the time for their friendship and caring.

So here is the thing – as a society will the economy bring us all down or do you think that we will all bond together closer, taking better care of each other and facing this crisis hands bound together?

I have this image in my head of the kids game Red Rover and the word “Economy” painted on a ball bouncing between the lines.  As the ball goes up and down, bouncing around and hitting everyone in some way – if we can keep our hands tightly wrapped around each other we will not only survive, but we’ll be better for it.

A big hug and a toast of cheap beer for all my fellow unemployed people out there – hang tight, hold tight and survive.

YAY! Out of the dryer stretchy pants are now baggy!

I have been going to Weight Watchers most of my life – I started going with my Mom when I was a chunky 13 year old.  I’ve lost 65 lbs before, gained 30 back, and now I’m losing it again.  Renewed by my weight gain to actually LOSE again.  I’m working out in the mornings, I’m tracking my food, I’m being a good girl (most of the time).  And I think the MOST important thing I’m doing is even if I go off track – I get right back on!!

Finally, today, it paid off.  Right out of the dryer I put my stretchy pants (which up until now have been accommodating my weight gain AND loss with their damn stretchiness) and they were baggy!  As I was sliding them on I first noticed in the thighs not being tight at all.  I felt like maybe I was putting on someone else’s pants?  But no, these were mine and they were LOOSE!

Hallelujah!  All the hard, hard, hard work of not eating what I want in the amounts I want actually paid off!!

I love Weight Watchers for that.   They are a great program and never have I felt TOO denied.

Now let’s see just how baggy I can get these pants to be!  I have 14 more pounds until my goal weight!

Christmas time is my favorite

I love Christmas.  I’m a Christmas-aholic.  I decorate as SOON as my boyfriend will allow – which is usually a few days before Thanksgiving and even then he rolls his eyes and sighs at me as if to say that I try his patience.  Which I’m sure I do.

If it were up to me, I’d celebrate the holiday for at least 3 months of the year.  There is NOTHING about the holiday I don’t love – even the tiresome hustle and bustle of all the crowds.

I love the smiles people have.  I love the tired looks because it means people have been spending a lot of energy on their loved ones – thinking about them, getting ready for them…etc.  The music that makes you smile and recall past Christmases.  The cats playing with the ornaments, the kids eyes lighting up at the Christmas Trees and Stockings.  I love driving around and seeing the lights in the people’s windows…

Christmas time IS about family and friends but for me it’s also about sharing something with a HUGE portion of the US.  We are sharing the tiredness, the tight wallets, the lights, the cooking, the trees… we are all sharing in what is almost a country wide holiday.  And even if you don’t specifically believe in religion or Christ in particular – you are still fighting the crowds, smiling at the kids and thinking about your loved ones.

Christmas is more than just a holiday – it’s a month (or more) that we can see ourselves reflected in others faces, eyes, hopes and happiness.

For all those reasons – let me wish you a VERY special Holiday Season.

What not to share

“Chatty Cathy”.  That’s my Mom’s nickname for me.  I would go on errands with my Dad where we’d return and he’d just turn to my mom (after I finished my sentence), grin at her and say, “She didn’t take a breath the whole time.”

But when do we overshare?  When do we not?  I’ve found that I may talk a lot, but sometimes I say very little.  I may seem like I’m sharing, but I’m only sharing stuff I don’t REALLY care about.  Emotional items?  Well, those thoughts/feelings go to a VERY select few.

How do you share?  Do you share at all?  Do you only share specific parts of your life?  Who is your BEST confidant?

I think that sharing is good.  I think that for us it is how we share parts of ourselves with people we like.  I rarely share information about my personal life with someone I DON’T like.

Though, I hold on to information I think could hurt the other person.  I think sharing to HURT someone is never a good thing.  But I’m sure I’ve done it more times than I can count.

To share or not to share, that is the question.  When and how do you share yourself?  Why do you think we each share our stories with others?